Thursday, January 24, 2013

"Desperate" Chapter 3 and 4

I hope that you have your book and that you are reading along or ahead. And I hope that this book is blessing you as much as it has blessed me. So we are covering chapters 3 and 4 this week. And I am really glad that we are doing these two chapters together because I don't think that I would have been able to seperate them. They both cover descipline, formulas, and training your children.

Chapter 3-

I have read a lot of parenting books. And I have tried a lot of different parenting/ discipline methods. And I have an incredibly stubborn child that none of it has worked with. I mean NONE of it. Including loving him and talking everything through to spanking him and time outs. Every book that a doctor or a friend has recommended I have read and tried the methods that they talked about. I have a great blend of all of them that works well with my three other children. But not this one. He just doesn't seem to care. My feelings of desperation come from this child. My feelings of failure come from this child. When he wants to be is the best child. He is loving, smart, well mannered, the perfect child. But that is only about 10% of the time. The other 90% is spent having tantrums, talking back, hitting, fighting, sulking, refusing to do anything that he is asked, etc. And I don't know what to do. There is no training manual with this child. You never know what is going to set him off. I am at my wits end. So reading this chapter about training your children was important to me. Not for a method but because of the multiple messages all through it. And I just can't help it- I am going to include A LOT of quotes from this chapter. So here goes:
-”Formulas don't create guilt, but failing to get the desired results from following the formulas most certainly can lead to horrible feelings of inadequacy and guilt...”- SM (page 28)
-”The only formula I want my children to tuck deep into their hearts is this: God has weaved each hof us uniquely, and we are wonderfully made in his image. We have sin-tattered hearts, but Jesus mends them when we lean into Him and trust Him with our lives. There's the formula. Give Him the bad, and He'll give you the beautiful.”- SM (pg 29)
-”Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him” Psalm 103:13
“But we've got to know that, ultimately, the most important thing is laying our children at the foot of the cross and praying that Jesus will call them to Him......So pray for your children and show them Jesus.”- SM (pg 31)
-“I believe that there is no “one right way”. God calls each of us to seek Him, to look for his wisdom and to follow where He calls us by faith, and it will be a different story for each family, marriage, and individual mom or dad. To walk that uncertain line, we must trust that God will be faithful to lead and guide us.”- SC (pg 35)
-”It is vitally important for women to learn how to think biblically for themselves instead of being enslaved to other people's thoughts and opinions. To follow God with everything in our lives, we must learn to develop discernment.”- SC (pg 35)
- “A mom is exactly the person that her children need; God created it to be that way!” SC (pg 36)
-”He will be with us. “The fear of man brings a snare, but he who trusts in the Lord will be exalted” (Proverbs 29:25) SC (pg 36)
-”God has made each couple with the freedom to create their own family culture. The sooner you decide to embrace your own values, preferences, strength, and weaknesses, the more you will become who God made you and your husband to be.”- SC (pg 37)

Sarah Mae also has 4 “tips” for the “out of the box or stubborn child” on pages 30 and 31:
  1. “Love them”
  2. “Give them words of affirmation.”
  3. “Consider several didderent discipline techniques. Each child responds differently to methods of discipline, and it's important that you study your child and figure out what works with him or her”
    4. “Remember that you have a bent toward sin just as your little ones do.”

Your turn:
Hebrews 7:19- “(For the Law made nothing perfect), and on the other hand there is a bringing in of a better hope, through which we draw near to God.”


Chapter 4-
This chapter is a continuation of chapter 3. More about child training. And I am going to just jump in with the quotes that spoke to me.

“If you expect perfection, you are bound to become angry more often, with yourself and with your children. Children do not thrive with authoritarian, perfectionistic parenting, because they can never live up to perfection, and neither can you. If you want them to know the real message of Jesus, then you need to live out His life of gracious, forgiving love while becoming more mature in His ideals as you grow.”- SC (pg 40)

“...our children struggle just like we do. They have to fight the ugly in themselves, and it's no fun for any of us. They are operating our of what they know, and it's our job to civilize them....This means we need to offer them loads of grace and affirmation, so that they can be confident that we get it and we are on their team.”- SM (pg 42)

“He understands that without God he has an ugly heart, but with God he has a beautiful heart.”- SM (pg 43)

“We are all just a work in progress.”- SM (pg 44)

“I believe that if moms understand how strategic their roles were in this battle for the hearts and minds of the next generation, they would grow in excitement about this great job God created them to fulfill.”- SC (pg 45)

“Just as we are lost without Him, and in His mercy He saved us and granted us redemption, when we are lost as mothers, he wants to empower our lives and fill our homes with His presence. He desires to give us the strength to bring life into our homes and redeem them. God is a God of grace, and I have seen that he has done more than my works could ever accomplish. He has wrought miracles in the lives of my children.” -SC (pg 47)

“We cannot be sucessful as moms alone, no matter how hard we try. But God with us is more than enough to build a wonderful legacy and influence.” -SC (pg 47-48)

“Getting angry and upset for children being selfish and demanding creates stress and havoc in the mind, emotions, and body of a woman. Prepare yourself for the battle and accept the limitations of your husband, children, and home- and of yourself. And then determine that you will, in time, subdue your home, overcome the fight for the hearts of your children, and find God's joy and blessing through your obedience.”- SC (pg 49)
Your turn-
Romans 7:19-20- “For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.”

Romans 8:1-4- “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and death. For what the Law could not do, weak as it was through the flesh, God did: sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and as an offering for sin. He condemned sin in the flesh, so that the requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.”

Next week we start section 2- chapters 5 and 6.

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