Wednesday, March 6, 2013

When Your Marriage Comes First (Marriage and Mommyhood Week 4)

 Have you noticed since becoming a mom that your husband has kinda gotten the shaft? Believe me you are not alone. John and I have both noticed it. And to be honest it gets a lot harder when you have more children. We used to try and go on a date at least once a month with no kids. Now we attempt for twice a year. But we have four children. And though we are fortunate to have both sets of grandparents living within five miles of our house, getting "rid" of four kids is not easy. And it was honestly easier with only three kids. So now when we go out we have at least one child with us all the time. But that is okay. We still make it work. And my husband also works shift work so finding a time that he is off at night and the kids don't have something going on or both sets of grandparents are free. But in the past few years we have learned how to make our marriage a priority no matter what. And it has taken a lot of work. We have had some almost breaking times in our marriage. And we have come out stronger. We make sure to talk on the phone at least once a day on the shifts that we don't see each other. (He actually works two jobs- one on shift and the other on days three weeks of the month) We text ALOT. It is a good thing that we have unlimited texting on our plan. We used to write letters but we don't do that as much anymore. When we are together we make sure that we are together. One days off we make sure to spend as much time together as we can. And if that means driving all over the countryside because one of us has stuff that needs to be done that is what we do. And we are the world's worst at being at a restaurant and both sitting on a phone on Facebook. But at least we talk about what is on there. And if it is really important we will discuss it for hours on end. And we try to be supportive in each others "dreams" or jobs- unless we really think the other one is out of their mind and we let them know it. (Like John knows how much I really want to go to the Allume conference so he is helping me however he can to raise money and he is actually buying me the ticket). And I know how much he loves long range shooting so I try not to complain to much with that equipment. (Believe me when he realizes I will be gone for 5 days with Allume I will hear about it.) But no matter what we both realize that our marriage has to be a priority. No matter what. Long after we are done raising our children we will still have to live with each other and we both want to know how to do that and want to do that. We know too many couples who have broken up when the kids leave the house because they don't know each other anymore or how to be together without their children. We don't want to be like that.

No matter what, your spouse should have special time in your schedule. You need to talk as much as you can and if they are overseas write as much as you can. It is important. And the more you "gross out" your children the better. They need to see a happy marriage and a loving marriage to want one in the future and to have one.
Linking up today with Kayse and the rest of the In(RL) girls.


  1. I am right there with you! My husband and I realized last year how far apart we had become. We have made our marriage a priority this year. Still hard to find time for "dates" but just being intentional and doing what we can is helping so much!

  2. I have been told that it will get easier. I am still waiting.