I have been an emotional mess for the past week. And I have been a little more outspoken than I normally would be when something bothers me. I realize how that may come across to you and how petty it has been. My dear wonderful hubby has pointed out though that if I waited to say something that I would not say anything and continue to let it bother me. I have spent part of the last week being told what a failure I am, how I am too opinionated, how my opinion is wrong, and how I am failing as a woman in the church (apparently I am too vocal and too "seen"). It hurts to hear that especially when you know you aren't. Yes I have opinions, we all do. I am vocal in them. I will continue to be. As far as failing as a woman of the church- I completely disagree. I am trying to be vocal in an arena that is mostly women. I know that I wouldn't want to hear about how to be a mother and a wife from a man just because women are to be seen not heard. I let you guys see it all. And it isn't always pretty and sometimes the human comes out big time with pettiness and I think that is okay. I am a real person. I fail as a mom sometimes, I fail as a wife sometimes, and I fail as a Christian sometimes. The important part is that I get back up, I don't stay down, I go at it a different way, I ask forgiveness, and I pray.
I think that is that we can do sometimes- PRAY. Give it all over to God and keep handing it to him every time we realize that we took it back.
I love knowing that I have a circle of amazing friends who will pray with me and let me be me. I am so thankful for them. You know how many of them I have met in real life- 0. You want to know who the first group of girls I go to when I am so far down I can't make myself swim back us is- this group. This group that I met online and will only meet a handful of in real life this October. It is great. No judgement, no holding back, only love and support.
These girls have sent me prayers, inspiration, and music to uplift my soul. Mandisa, Selah, Casting Crowns, you can only imagine the words streaming thanks to these women. Verses sent at just the right times, words spoken when you least expect it being the exact thing you need to hear. It is wonderful.
So while I am an emotional mess and it left me wordless for a few days to be spurred back into writing through anger and pettiness- these women and my amazing hubby have lifted me up and supported me even when others are trying to tear me down.
So I am going to be the person who apologizes if I offended anyone in the last few days. I certainly did not mean too. And for the person who the words were meant for I hope that they got through and that you understand now.