Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Balancing Act- When the Loss of a Child Hits Your Marriage

Nothing will ever hit your marriage quite like the loss of a child. Whether that loss comes as a pregnancy, a still born child, or the loss of a child after enjoying them on this earth. The walk through life after is one that will forever have it's ups and downs. And unless you have experienced it you will never understand it. And the amount of judgement that you will receive over how you handle it is astounding to me even to this day. So here are 3 stories today for babies who will never be forgotten and will forever be loved.

Pregnancy Loss-
  • At 10 weeks pregnant, I laid down and took a nap with my then 3 year old son. I woke up bleeding. I went to the emergency room and waited. The OB never showed up after countless times telling them she was coming. After several IV attempts, an exam, and a lot of tears I was wheeled into ultrasound. They turned the screen away. I was alone with just the technician. No one to hold my hand or comfort me. She found a heartbeat and a baby. And an empty sac. She didn't tell me that. The ER doctor told me I was dehydrated and made me an appointment with a different OB for first thing the next morning. I went home. I stayed in bed like I was told in a semi- reclined position. I prayed hard. The next day, John and I went to the OB expecting the worst kind of news. They did another ultrasound. Again- a heartbeat, a baby, and an empty sac. We went to an exam room and waited for the doctor. He came in and told us that there were 2 babies but now there was 1. There is an emotional roller coaster that you go on, that unless you have been there you will never understand. I blamed myself, I blamed John, I blamed the world. We will never actually know if that baby was a boy or a girl but I strongly feel that it was the girl that we have since desired. And I will see her again one day. I remember her everyday. I miss her everyday. I love her everyday. She is still my baby. She never came into this world but she is still in mine.
Infant Loss at Birth- 

Infant Loss From SIDS-

  • As heartbreaking as pregnancy loss is and even infant loss at birth, losing your child after having the joys of loving them and holding them in your arms for any amount of time is worse. It is a heartbreak all it's own. And to not be able to have the answers for why your child is gone is just devastating. And while it has not happened to us personally, it has happened to some friends and I can not even begin to describe the absolute heartbreak and devastation that has been left behind. Sealie Ellis Harrell- such a happy, beautiful, healthy baby boy. He was dreamed about and prayed for. And then the unthinkable. He was unresponsive in his bed at daycare. No answers past SIDS. No answers to the why this baby. I am going to tell you- the look in his mom's eyes the next day will haunt me forever. Because there was nothing that I could do. Nothing that I could say would ever be enough. All I can do is continue to pray for her and her husband. And be there if there is anything that they need. 

All three of the above babies are still loved. They will always be loved and missed. I know that Brooks and Sealie are real to other people while pregnancy loss tends to only be real to the one's closest to it- but all of their lives matter. They always will. So today- we are remembering these babies in a very public way. Spreading the word about losses is a way that we have to honor their short lives. And spreading the awareness for SIDS is another way. Learn everything that you can about it. Take a CPR class that includes infant CPR. And keep memories alive to keep these babies alive however we can. 

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