- At 10 weeks pregnant, I laid down
and took a nap with my then 3 year old son. I woke up bleeding. I
went to the emergency room and waited. The OB never showed up after
countless times telling them she was coming. After several IV
attempts, an exam, and a lot of tears I was wheeled into ultrasound.
They turned the screen away. I was alone with just the technician.
No one to hold my hand or comfort me. She found a heartbeat and a
baby. And an empty sac. She didn't tell me that. The ER doctor told
me I was dehydrated and made me an appointment with a different OB
for first thing the next morning. I went home. I stayed in bed like
I was told in a semi- reclined position. I prayed hard. The next
day, John and I went to the OB expecting the worst kind of news.
They did another ultrasound. Again- a heartbeat, a baby, and an
empty sac. We went to an exam room and waited for the doctor. He
came in and told us that there were 2 babies but now there was 1.
There is an emotional roller coaster that you go on, that unless you
have been there you will never understand. I blamed myself, I
blamed John, I blamed the world. We will never actually know if that
baby was a boy or a girl but I strongly feel that it was the girl
that we have since desired. And I will see her again one day. I
remember her everyday. I miss her everyday. I love her everyday. She
is still my baby. She never came into this world but she is still in
Infant Loss at Birth-
- I am just going to send you over to Ashly's blog. She tells her story better than I can even begin too. Brooks is still loved and remembered. And his life is leaving a lasting impact on those around him. http://onceuponatucker.blogspot.com/2008/11/is-this-actually-happening-to-us.html
Infant Loss From SIDS-
- As heartbreaking as pregnancy loss is and even infant loss at birth, losing your child after having the joys of loving them and holding them in your arms for any amount of time is worse. It is a heartbreak all it's own. And to not be able to have the answers for why your child is gone is just devastating. And while it has not happened to us personally, it has happened to some friends and I can not even begin to describe the absolute heartbreak and devastation that has been left behind. Sealie Ellis Harrell- such a happy, beautiful, healthy baby boy. He was dreamed about and prayed for. And then the unthinkable. He was unresponsive in his bed at daycare. No answers past SIDS. No answers to the why this baby. I am going to tell you- the look in his mom's eyes the next day will haunt me forever. Because there was nothing that I could do. Nothing that I could say would ever be enough. All I can do is continue to pray for her and her husband. And be there if there is anything that they need.
All three of the above babies are still loved. They will always be loved and missed. I know that Brooks and Sealie are real to other people while pregnancy loss tends to only be real to the one's closest to it- but all of their lives matter. They always will. So today- we are remembering these babies in a very public way. Spreading the word about losses is a way that we have to honor their short lives. And spreading the awareness for SIDS is another way. Learn everything that you can about it. Take a CPR class that includes infant CPR. And keep memories alive to keep these babies alive however we can.