Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Loving Yourself

I am going to tell y'all right off the bat that it is ironic that I am writing this post today because I am feeling rejected and a little depressed. But not for the reason behind the post.

I have struggled with weight for several years now- 9 to be exact. Since my second child. And I am not "big". But a size 12 has been a constant struggle. I did lose back down to an 8 but a pregnancy soon followed and that went out the window. So for 3 years I have heard from people who supposedly love me that I am huge, fluffy, fat, and embarrassing. Just last week my grandmother tried to give me and 2X shirt and warned me it might be a little tight since I was so big now. So here's the thing that I have realized. I am happy in my size 12 body. Seriously. I don't have a lot of clothes that really fit but I will work on that. I like to eat. And when I was smaller I couldn't eat like I wanted to and I was so obsessed with a scale that I was miserable. And I actually spent Allume wearing a large sweater to cover up my "fat rolls" because no matter what I wore they were there and I was embarrassed. But for some reason coming home from that changed my perspective.

I am not worried about it anymore. And seriously if my being "fat" embarrasses you then I promise it would be better for you to just not be seen with me and not be my friend. I need real friends not people who are my friend because of how I look. And if I apply for a job and the reason I didn't get it is because it was more important for you to hire a size 2 person because it looks better in the office that is fine too. I didn't need that job. (Irony being that I desperately need a part time job right now) Obviously you are not a company that I need to work for. This world is so obsessed with weight and looks that no one cares about character any more. When you sit through a church service and hear about how we should all love exercise and that having a little weight on you is not serving God well there is something seriously wrong. (And yes I am sure that the statements were not actually meant that way but when more than one person came away from it with that feeling it isn't okay.)

So for myself, my well being, and for my kids- I love myself for what I am. And right now that is a size 12, emotionally exhausted and wrecked, mom of 4 boys, with a deep and growing love for God who is okay with what she looks like.


  1. Big (((hugs))), my beautiful friend. I just love your heart...so blessed to know you! :)