Sunday, December 28, 2014

Nursery Duty

I am at church. Yes, I am blogging while at church. But I have nursery duty this morning. So I am in a room with just my niece Lila so I am taking advantage. See I almost didn't come this morning. It's just me this morning. John's at work and the boys are all with grandparents. And I have had an intense inner battle going on for the past few weeks. So I was very tempted this morning to stay home and use my new vacumn and enjoy the quiet. But I remembered that my sister-in-law and her family were coming to church this morning so I made myself come. Because what kind of example is it when we have asked and asked for them to come for a year and on the day they are coming I give into Satan and stay home? So my inner battle had to be put on hold for the day. 

I have often been told that the righteous never go without. That they get everything they want in abundance. And that just does not happen with us. We will be doing good and then something unexpected happens and knocks all that out. We struggle financially even a with both of us working. There doesn't ever seen to be enough. Plans get scrapped because we just don't have the money. And yet the righteous never go without right? So what is the point? If we are doing what we are "supposed" to do and yet we are still struggling that means that we are not righteous and we are not good enough for God to take notice of. So why bother? I am miserable in my job and yet I keep going because I so strongly feel this is where God wants me right now. There is obviously a reason. But I am bullied and dread going everyday. I work hard for my paycheck and so does John and yet we are still struggling because of other things. It's hard to look around and see people do whatever they want and get whatever they want and know that they don't go to church every time it meets, they lead hypocritical lives, and throw sin in ever one's faces. So again- why bother? 

See my struggle? I don't say this to be pitied or for advice. I say this to show why I am quiet on here except reviews lately. To say why I am quiet in real life when I am normally not. So I am going to try to make 2015 a better year for this blog and for myself. And to try and get a handle on this inner battle I have going. 

What do you want 2015 to bring to you?

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