Saturday, December 12, 2015

Schools today

Since changing jobs this summer, I am finding that since I am not as active in homework that a lot is slipping through the cracks. But I am also noticing a trend with teachers. They are giving homework assignments through text messages and emails after school hours and it is stuff that one teacher "forgot" to mention in class and is due the next day. Well my child does not have a cell phone and unless he asks he does not have access to internet and email in the evenings. And it is putting him at a disadvantage. But no matter what I say to his teacher or to him, it is not something that looks like it will be fixed. I have a huge problem with this. Not every child has a cell phone and some of us as parents find that giving their children too much internet access is not the responsible thing to do. Technology is great. I know that I need it for this blog as well as several other aspects in my life. But I don't think that a school should be allowed to solely base homework on texts and emails. If you have an assignment that needs to be printed out- print it and hand it to the kids. I don't care that they are in high school. My high schooler does not have a "family" computer to use and will not have a cell phone so you are excluding him from a required grade.

And I am certainly not putting all the blame on the teacher. My child needs to be more responsible and speak up about not being able to receive an assignment if it is sent out via text or email at night. But if a class is going to make this a requirement then the schools need to make sure that every child has the same thing at home in order to receive it. 

And now I am getting off my soap box.

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

And then it became a we

Road Dog Creations started as A hobby for John. Well now it has become a family business. There is just something distressing about stringing all those beads. We have our last live event for 2015 this weekend and I have already announced Christmas deadlines. It's a great problem to have. I joke that this side business has taken over our house and our lives but I honestly don't mind. Well except the fact that the workers at Michaels know me by name and I get texts when certain items come back in stock. Apparently that is a little strange. So I am introducing a new line at Road Dog Creations today. Here is just a small sampling of Hentown Mama for Road Dog Creations (creative title, I know). And in celebration, I am hosting a giveaway! All you have to do is like the Hentown Mama and Road Dog Creations Facebook pages. There is a button in the side board for Hentown Mama for you to click and like my page and for the moment (I am on my phone) you will have to search for Road Dog Creations. One winner will win a pair of our original bullet rim earrings with your choice of birthstones as well as an original beaded necklace. 

 I am also working on updating the look of the blog and adding a link to our shop, it's just seems to be taking me longer than I planned.
I am enjoying this new adventure and also the fact that I can make all of this sitting in my recliner or at my dining room table. It is the perfect hobby for me right now. So for now- go like our pages on Facebook and enter to win unique Christmas gifts for yourself or a friend. 

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

October Favorites


Normally this is my favorite time of year. October brings pumpkin everything, cooler weather, changing leaves, and Allume. Except this year I didn't get to go to Allume. And as much as I missed it, I needed to be at home this year. I normally have my whole house decorated for fall by now too. This year there are some pumpkin candles lit and that is about it. For some reason, my favorite time of year is just not this year. It may be the broken tooth, or even the deer. Or it could be that I am dealing with another kidney stone and just not in the mood to enjoy it. 

However, since I tell all of my patients that they have to find at least one positive thing in everyday, I am going to do the same thing. I do have some new favorite things this month. 

Reading:

 I am reading "The Ragamuffin Gospel" right now. It has been on my to read list for a while but I finally bought it. It is so good. I am devouring it and that is saying a lot because between 3 jobs I don't have a lot of reading time. But this is definitely a book I needed right now. 

Listening:
I don't know why but this song has just grown on me this month and now I love it. 



Wearing:
Well since I now get custom jewelry from Road Dog Creations, I have to say that I am loving these earring that I designed and John made. 
I also have a whole new appreciation for legging but that is another story. 


Watching:

Okay, so I am a little late on this since the show actually finished last year BUT- I am watching Season 1 of the "Parenthood" and wondering why I did not watch this show before. It is so good. I guess I was under a rock somewhere. I also watched the last season of "Outlander" on DVD and it was okay. Definitely not the book. We are apparently on a steady stream of "Jurassic World" and "Avengers 2" with the boys. I am a little tired of both. Yes, I am tired of watching Thor which will surprise some people. 

So while there have been some interestingly negative things going on this month, there are also a few positives. Like starting a new business and doing festivals, etc. We are actually going to have a booth this weekend at an Easton Corbin concert. I have several new books sitting on my to read shelf that I am ready to have time to read and let you know about too. So maybe November will be better than October has been health and busy wise. 



Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Deer, broken teeth, and dentists

Yesterday, on my way to work, I hit a deer. A baby deer that still had spots on him. So there was no damage done to my van. But my nerves were shot for the rest of the day. So when my tooth broke at lunch, I just wanted to sit there and cry. (I didn't but I wanted to.) 

Instead, I went and saw 10 more patients and worked late. Now I am sitting at the dentist office. I really dislike the dentist office. I don't like people messing around in my mouth and I certainly don't like the headache I always get after visiting the dentist. But today I will take the headache over the pain from this tooth. Even knowing they are probably going to have to pull the tooth (I am so thankful it is the one in the very back.) I am just hoping it won't be that bad because I have to be at work in a couple of hours. And work late again today to be able to come here. 
So I am spending my wait time writing this and if the wait goes too much longer I will be reading a new book. I have a feeling that I am not going to get back there on time even coming early. It's just how my "luck" is running right now. That is how I am spending my day. I really hope it goes smoother than yesterday. 

Monday, October 12, 2015

"The Imposter"- {a review}


I am not someone who normally reads books about the Amish. Nothing against them, its just not normally my thing. But I thought this one sounded interesting so I signed up to review it. 

In "The Imposter", Katrina is a young girl who thinks she has her life figured out. Then her life has an unexpected twist and she has to adjust accordingly. At the same time, her family has to deal with her choices and the ones they have made themselves. 

As someone who really doesn't read this particular type of book often, I am looking forward to the next book in the series. The story is well written and draws you in, keeping your interest throughout. I found myself really caring about the characters and questioning why in the world they would make some of the decisions they did. Not because it wasn't possible but because I just couldn't see that character doing that until later in the book. 

I recommend this book for the mom looking for a good book for the weekend or just someone who wants something to read. 


Sunday, October 11, 2015

Road Dog Creations

So I am sitting on the couch at my grandmother-in-law's right now. We came up here to spend the weekend with her and go to a local fall festival. So of course it rained. We walked around in the rain for a couple of hours and saw a lot of stuff and made some connections for John's new business. And we got wet. But the kids had fun running around in the rain and seeing a Powwow.

Then I realized how long it's been since I have actually been on here and written anything.

So I decided that I would talk about John's new business for a minute.


John needed a new hobby so he started making these earrings. He has several different color crystals and actually has some other designs available. I have spent this morning doing my new "job" with his company. I get the fun title of Social Media Manager/ Website management. So he now has a new shop on Etsy, an email address, and a phone line dedicated to his company. Since we are obviously out of town, the store only has one listing but I hope to fill it up this week. He is going to start going to craft shows as well. If you want to check out his store it is located at www.etsy.com/shop/RoadDogCreations. You can also look for him on Facebook at www.facebook.com/RoadDogCreations

After I get the Etsy page all set up I will be hosting a giveaway so look for that coming soon. 

Monday, September 14, 2015

Overwhelmed

Can I be completely honest right now? 

I am supposed to be writing a review on here about a really awesome book. Instead I wrote an abbreviated version on Amazon. 

I am completely overwhelmed with life right now. I LOVE my new job but the drive is getting to me. The mornings are fine but the afternoons seem to take forever. The emotional turmoil from the past three months are taking their tole. And my boys seem to think that now is the time to go completely looney. 

One thinks that failing the 9th grade in the first semester is okay. Two think that alternating between clingy and hateful is the "cool" thing to do. And one has found a belligerent attitude that needs to make a quick exit. 

Add some fun health issues that have decided to join the party and I. AM. OVERWHELMED!


I thought that I was going to be able to go out of town and rest this past weekend but it didn't happen. So now I am on a 12 day straight work week quickly followed by several jam packed weekends in a row. I don't see any actual rest in sight. 

I. AM. OVERWHELMED!

Writing has been a much needed outlet lately. And it will continue to be. But where I planned to pick up writing more frequently, I am pretty sure it isn't going to happen right now.

So hopefully soon I will be back on a regular schedule everywhere. 
 

Monday, August 31, 2015

When Quiet is the Norm

I talk a lot on here about how hard losing a baby is. And I am about to go deeper into that than I have before. So be forewarned that you might want to stop reading now.


Well today (Sunday), I had a really long conversation with John about how hard it still is.

And in the whole conversation where there were a lot of confessions made about how we both handled it and how much it still hurts- the thing that kept coming up was how alone I feel to this day in that loss.

Society expects us to stay quiet about it. There has been a huge movement in the last couple of years to offer support and to encourage people to open up but for the most part nobody wants to hear about it. Because to some people, that sweet baby I lost was never a baby. She was never a person who deserves any recognition of having existed.

But she was real. And she was mine. And part of me died the day I lost her.

No one will ever understand that except another mom who has experienced it too.

The blame game is a real thing that doesn't end even after 11 years. Not blame for other people but blame of myself and of God. Which is a struggle that I don't know if I will ever get past.

Everyone tells you to turn to God and lean on him and to trust him. But how to you fully trust someone who took away something so precious and so loved.

I've been told to move on by people who have no clue what it feels like. I have been called selfish and stupid for lashing out and blaming John at the time. All by someone who will hopefully never know that loss and that pain. Because they don't understand.

I know that there is always a dad out there that suffers the loss too. And I know that they hurt and they probably blame themselves. Because John did and still does. I don't know if it is the same. I can't answer that question.

I know that for me, my husband was playing golf when it happened and I sat in a cold ER room by myself for hours. I was alone in an ultrasound room with a stranger praying for a heartbeat. And while there was one- the other was silent. I did all of that alone. I laid in a bed by myself later that night, scared to move. I was alone. Because the one "person" who is never supposed to leave your side had abandoned me. I literally felt abandoned by God in the moment.

I am pretty open about that baby with other moms who have lost. But I never go deeper. I don't talk about how I felt abandoned and alone. I have actually never told John until today. I am like so many others who will sit there and keep it all in and grieve alone.

But by doing it alone, I have never really acknowledged all the feelings and fears that go with it. And now it is coming back to haunt me in ways I never thought possible.

I don't want sympathy and I certainly don't want anyone's comments that are going to tell me that I need to get over it or that I need to work on my relationship with God. I have been hearing that for 11 years. What I want from actually putting all this out there is for everyone to realize that a mom who loses a baby never gets over it. And to them that baby was as real as if she had held them in her arms. That loss goes deeper into her soul than you can imagine. So stop telling them to be quiet just because you don't want to listen to them. I don't think that you have to completely understand what they are going through to listen to them. Let them vent and let them grieve openly if they want to. Just stop asking all these moms to be quiet and keep it all to themselves.

Sunday, August 30, 2015

August Favorites

I actually intended to write this post to go live this past Friday. Life had other plans. So instead of Friday Favorites you get August Favorites with the Friday Favorites graphic.
Graphic Credit: www,crystalstine.me

READ:
I have not read a lot this month (even though I was supposed to.) But there are 2 books that I finished and love and 1 that I am working on.

1.   I love Sarah Mae. And this book was what I needed as I read it. I am trying to concentrate on finding adventure in the everyday and being content where I am. The lessons from the book are numerous and worth every second spent reading it.

2.  I hate change. The irony in that is that my life is full of change right now. Good and bad. But reading this book has helped a lot. I will have a full review later next week.

3. I am reading this one right now. It is a slow read. But it is a good book so far.

WATCH:
Well- the boys and I went to see "Ant Man" in theaters but we really have not watched anything else. Oh- I went and saw "Vacation" with my mom. Not a kid movie at all. But Thor was in it so there was that.

WEAR:
I have really just worn scrubs and yoga pants this past month. BUT I bought a new pair of Danskin Yoga pants from Walmart that I am in love with. I really should go buy another pair. They are the best.

LISTEN:
Ed Sheeran's "X- The Deluxe Edition" is a favorite for my whole family right now. I also have had "Fight Song" on repeat lately.


IN OTHER NEWS:
I start a new job tomorrow. I am going back into therapy and driving an hour each way for the job. I am TERRIFIED! I am so scared that I can't do it anymore or that they are not going to think I am a good fit. It is definitely more money coming in but there is not flexibility which is something I am used to. So prayers would be appreciated.

Also- because of above mentioned new job, I also have a new vehicle. My poor Tahoe just doesn't get good gas mileage and it is now a must. So I went last weekend and bought a Dodge Caravan. I LOVE IT! I am already spoiled. Hand free phone, plays the music from my phone, and has a DVD player for the kids. They will beg to go somewhere just to watch the TV now.

I know that all my posts lately have been kind of gloomy. And yes, I am going through a very rough time in my personal life right now. But I am still not ready to share that with anyone or talk about it in a deeper context on here yet. Let's just say that when I come out of the other side of this, I will be a better person and a lot stronger than I ever thought I could be.


Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Decisions

I am fully convinced that if a decision is easy then your heart was not all that invested in it. Because hard decisions can be heartbreaking. And when you think you have made a decision and something else happens and you have to make another one it gets worse. 
Sometimes one path keeps jumping back onto another path and makes each decision harder to make.
And sometimes the trees close out the light for awhile. But that doesn't mean it's for always. Hard decisions hurt and then they can hurt more. I have to believe that there are rewards at the end of it though. And that they will make all the hard decisions worth it in the end. 


Sunday, August 16, 2015

When the Trees Get Thick


You know that saying about "not seeing the forest for the trees"? 

Well right now I know how that feels. Only it seems like the trees get thicker and thicker the further in I go. I really thought that I had found a bright light that was leading me out. And then the trees got in the way. So I am trying to hold onto the beam of light that is keeping the path lit. But it gets hard. Some days it would be easier to let the trees take over and keep me trapped. Those are the days that the light shows a little brighter. 

So for the days when the trees seem to be getting thicker and they are blocking you from seeing the forest- remember there is always a light that will keep you going. 

Thursday, August 13, 2015

It's just hair

Okay so these aren't the best pictures but I'm posting them anyway. 

I decided that my hair needed to be trimmed and some layers put in it earlier this week. So this picture is from a couple of weeks ago. 
Yesterday I went and saw a girl I have known forever and got my hair cut. 
I didn't really notice it yesterday because I was in a hurry. But I thought later in the afternoon that it looked a little uneven. And then when I washed it this morning and did it myself there was no denying that one side was about a half inch longer and it was gappy. 
So I called someone recommended by another friend to see if they could fix it. Y'all, I know it only hair but I almost cried because she had to go a lot shorter to fix it and make it not gappy. So this is what I have now. 
It's hair. And it will grow back. But I am really wishing that I had not decided it needed to be trimmed and layers added. 

Monday, August 10, 2015

Worth Fighting Over

So- I am starting a new job next month. I am excited. And beyond nervous. 
The funny thing is that I am now being fought over in my professional life. I never saw that coming. 
And I am choosing to look at it in a positive light. I am loved and worth fighting for. 

Now if only that would carry over into other parts of my life right now........

Saturday, August 8, 2015

Connecting the Dots

Why is it so hard to connect the dots somethimes? You know what I mean. When something is so obvious and you don't catch on until you make a complete idiot out of yourself first. You become the person that everybody is laughing at or feeling sorry for because they saw it coming and you didn't. 
Life would be easier if there was a way to see the obvious right away instead of letting you wear blinders until it's so obvious you get hurt. 

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Losing "Me"

I am going through some pretty rough times in my life right now. And I am being judged pretty harshly by some people through them. I am also finding out who really cares about me versus who cares about the appearances that have to be kept up. 
There is a quote from "The Vampire Diaries" that hit home this week. I don't remember which episode but Elena Gilbert says, "I used to think the worst feeling in the world was losing someone you love, but I was wrong. The worst feeling in the world is the moment you realize you've lost yourself." 
Right now, I don't even know who I am anymore. I feel like I lost me a long time ago and I am just now figuring it out. I see "me" at certain times with friends who can bring it back out with just a look or by saying something. But other than those times, I feel like I lost myself in the journey to fit in a mold. The mold that showed the world a non-problematic life. The mold that finally broke about 4 weeks ago and I really don't think I actually like the me that I found in it. 
It really has been a bad month. There has some been some moments that are highlights and I wouldn't trade for anything. But most of it has been full of moments I wish didn't exist. 
I've always said that I wanted this blog to be a reflection of reality and not only the pretty glossy parts of life. So while I'm not sharing details yet, I am being pretty open about how I feel. So right now that seems to be pretty dark and twisty. I can handle that. I don't think there are many people who don't have dark and twisty life moments. I probably over share- which I am good at because I don't necessarily think before I do it. I'm okay with that too. I've noticed that I am able to be more honest writing than I can talking to someone. There is just something about seeing judgment being passed that will make a person be quiet and not share everything they need to. 
Bear with me for awhile and soon the dark and twisty will be over. And details will come with it. 

Sunday, August 2, 2015

I'll Never.......


I saw this on Facebook yesterday. I don't know who said it or who created it. All I know is that it was perfect for this moment in time. I'm going through a ton of transitions right now. Changes I never saw coming. And through it I have people who are somehow fitting in right where I need them. Especially since some of this hit out of the blue. 
Looking back over the last few weeks and all that has happened this quote just fits. I have a lot of regrets at the moment, a lot of lessons that I am learning, and a lot of heartbreaks that will probably never fully heal. I am determined to get through this stronger though. I have decisions to make and they are harder than I thought they would be. My end goal keeps changing and I am questioning everything I ever thought I believed on some subjects. 
I feel like a failure everyday lately. It's not just that I feel that way though- it's really what I am. I am disappointing people and I don't know what else to do to make that stop. I told someone today that by letting someone tear me down and taking it to heart- I have no one to blame but myself. And while I know that's true, it's also hard not to do. Especially when a lot of what's being said is what I feel about myself. 
I have always been my own worst critic. And of course my brain is not disappointing in this instance either. I keep finding things that I have done wrong or things I could have done different. And while I can find fault with others too, I am finding more to fault myself with than anyone. 
So I am never going to say that I regret anyone that I have supporting me right now, I certainly regret the circumstances in which they are here for. And I may never regret meeting them but there are times I certainly regret meeting me. 

Friday, July 31, 2015

Who Knew

I never knew I needed a label maker until I had access to one this afternoon. I really am in love with the thing. (I also need to replace the tape cartridge before I give it back.) This little machine is AWESOME!!! 

I went ahead and looked one up online because I have a feeling I really do have to give the one in my possession back next week. So not only does it print on plastic sticky back labels- you can buy magnetic cartridges and iron on cartridges. This is the best thing for me! 

I wouldn't have to write names on everything for school, sports, or work. I can go label happy in my pantry and you bins. I can probably go a little overboard. 
I learned something today-
The way to my heart is apparently books, coffee, flowers, and a label maker! ;-)

(I am ordering myself one next week in case you were wondering.)

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

First Day of School


We officially survived the first day of school. Pacey asked me to drop him off at the public library instead of the school, Calvin was embarrassed when I went to his room to get a picture, Josh has all kind of messed up chaos happening, and Miles doesn't like kindergarten because they make you sit at the table all day without moving. 
Overall though it went well. We have some bus drama that will supposedly be worked out soon. Miles has friends from last year in his class but this teacher does not spoil him like others do and he didn't have homework- which was the good part of his day. Calvin LOVES his teachers and is actually excited about going to school. And Pacey- well, he's in high school and didn't have too much to say. 

The best part- Miles was asleep at 7:30. 

Saturday, July 25, 2015

Vulnerability

The scariest thing out there- being vulnerable. 
Why?
Because you are putting yourself out there and can't predict the outcome. You are opening yourself up to complete heartbreak or complete happiness with no way to know which one its going to be. Talk about scary. 
I like to know what the outcome is going to be before I do something. I am not a huge fan of taking chances because I am scared of negative outcomes. I don't like being vulnerable. I'd rather walk the familiar path even if it means being mediocre forever. 
But I really want to find spectacular. I want to find the thing that keeps sparking even after the new wears off. To find all that means making myself vulnerable. 
How do you do that without being scared? 

Friday, July 24, 2015

Smile Even When The Sky is Gray

I told someone today they needed to smile more. He asked me why. And then looked at me like I was crazy when I told him "smiling will at least make your day a little better." (Really I don't think the guy likes me. He just tolerates me because I keep bugging him to smile.) 

Then when I walked back to my office, I realized I haven't smiled very much lately. I do with certain people and I do with my residents. But not at home. And not really to a lot of other people like I normally would. 

And that song from "Annie" popped in my head. You know the one about being "never fully dressed without a smile"? That song has a ton of truth to it. Smiling makes anyone look better. Not fake smiles. I mean when they smile and it shows in their whole body. Smiling completes a person. 

I am all about making people smile even when I don't necessarily feel like smiling. Because smiling at someone can make all the difference in the world to their day. Which I guess means I will be bugging this guy every time I see him to smile. Maybe one day he actually will. 

Thursday, July 23, 2015

When Someone Says You Are A Bad Mom

I was told the other day that I was a bad mom. And not by someone who knows me well enough to say that- she doesn't even know my kids. She is in a Facebook Mom group I am in. I was asking for advice about my oldest child and some difficulties we are having with him. 
Apparently because he is acting out, I am frustrated, and because I have a full time job- I am a bad mom. 

I was shocked. 

This woman has no idea what it's like to walk in my shoes. She is a stay at home mom with a full time nanny. Complete opposite of what I do. We both have boys but hers are younger. She hasn't even reached the stage I am at with my son. 

I do not for one second give any credit to what her opinion was but it does bother me that someone would tell another mom that. 

I am far from perfect and I do have "bad mom" moments. But I love my children and want what's best for them. To an extent that what's best for me goes on the back burner. They come first. If I could stay home again I would. But right now that is not an option. And if working and being frustrated or having a kid who is going through a teenage rebellion makes me a bad mom; then I guess I am. In her eyes. 

Social media is a good and a bad thing. It has made judging other moms easier to do. But it's because we don't let the world in to see the hard stuff. We post perfect pictures and stories so no one sees the real struggles. I am guilty of it. We join support groups because on Facebook you don't have to see those people in real life and so you can be more open. And then the shaming and judging starts. Because she felt safe calling someone she didn't know, on the other side of the country a bad mom. 

I left the group. Because if that kind of behavior is okay. I don't want any part of it. I have things in my life that you can judge me on if you feel like it. I'm not going to apologize for any of it when it does not involve you. But by all means judge me. Just don't judge any mom who is doing all she can and who asks for help. Help her. Pray for her by all means but don't judge her. And certainly don't call her a bad mom. The next mom might takes those words to heart and believe them. 

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Childlike Abandon


For 3 days, we had a bouncey house. And for 3 days I saw this scene repeatedly. Not just with Miles, but with countless children. These kids just abandoned every care and worry they had to jump for hours. Hair flying, laughing, and sometimes falling; they had zero worries while in this huge blow up house. 
Now I personally did not get in this house. I chose the water slide. There is just something that kept stopping me. That thought of looking like a complete idiot in front of other people. I am finding that a lot lately. I don't take chances because I don't want to look stupid in front of others. And I am missing out on a lot. 
I want to be able to have that childlike abandon sometimes and just jump. Forget everything else and have fun. (Not necessarily in a bouncey house because I am a little too old for all that jumping.) I think too much about what someone else is going to say or how they will feel. And while that is a good thing most of the time, it's not a great thing when it stops you from pursuing dreams and growth. 
From now on (maybe) I'm going to just give in and jump sometimes. Making a fool of myself can't be much worse than always playing it safe. And who knows what I will find that I have been missing. 

Monday, July 20, 2015

Sometimes It's The Little Things


Sometimes the little things are what makes a bad day better. 
Sometimes the little things mean a whole lot more than grand gestures. 
Sometimes the little things are what keeps you from from just giving up.
Sometimes the little things are the only thing you have to grab hold of. 

And sometimes those little things are the biggest things you've got. 

Sunday, July 19, 2015

Coming Up Empty

We just spent the last week on vacation. 4 days at the beach, 1 day at the lake, and going on 3 days at my in-laws annual Back to School Bash weekend. I am running on fumes over here. Not energy wise- I am actually walking 3 miles everyday without complaining or making excuses. I am running on fumes emotionally. This week has been so rough. Tiny cracks are becoming craters or falling chunks of wall. Barely noticeable flaws are being thrown into a light making them huge. And endings are happening without mercy and grace. 
Endings I never saw coming. Literally it is a speeding train running at me while I am trapped on the tracks. And I don't know where to go from here. 
There is a blame game going on that just astounds me with the craziness of it. So I sit back and take it. And take it and take it some more. And nobody else notices.  From the outside looking in nothing has changed. Until a far removed outsider comes. And to him it was obvious. 
There are the nightmares that are starting back and the overwhelming sense of dispair that accompanies them. Sleep is becoming a foreign concept that I barely remember. With sleep comes the memories and the internal blame game. 
Running on fumes and coming up empty is the way of life right now. I long to be filled again and know that I am not actually to blame for the speeding train. I crave assurance when there is none. I need the security that has disappeared. 
So I get up and I walk/run to escape it all. I push myself past my walls of comfort because those don't help anymore. I get out of my comfort zone seeking something that I can't name. And I still come up empty. 

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Being A Grown Up......

.................. is hard.


My grandmother had a stroke a couple of weeks ago. Since then, she has moved into the nursing home I work in for therapy. So I am with her for 8+ hours 5 days a week. I don't mind at all. (Except when she is telling me that the alarm guy is hot in front of said alarm guy. That was a little uncomfortable. And apparently he didn't even hear her. OR when she goes around telling everyone in the nursing home about my childhood. THAT IS JUST GREAT.

I spent 30 minutes in a co-workers office crying the other day though because this IS.JUST.SO.HARD! I work in long term care. It is honestly where my passion is. I love my "old people". But when it's my grandmother in there it is different. We tell other people all the time that you have to separate your work life and your home life in long term care. I never actually realized how hard that is.

So right now, I do not want to be an adult. I do not like being the one who has to talk to my family about hard decisions and deadlines and things that really need to be talked about and then being told that I am pushing them. Or that I did not tell them everything about her coming into a nursing home for rehab. I did. They didn't want to listen. I want to go back to working in the nursing home and and enjoying my job.

Being a grown-up is way overrated sometimes.




Friday, July 3, 2015

"Longing for Paris"

Oh Paris! I would love to go there one day. I can picture my hubby and I hand in hand enjoying all the city of romance has to offer. But for now that is not going to happen.

Sarah Mae longs for Paris too. And she realized that just because she can't go to Paris right now doesn't mean that she can't be content where she is and find little tastes of Paris around her home.



I love Sarah Mae and one of my favorite things is getting to talk to her every October at Allume. She is 100% real every time I read something she writes or when I am talking to her in a hotel lobby. She takes the time to delve a little deeper and not just rush past you when she sees that you just need a little something extra. 

She wrote a new book last year. And it is going to be released in August. I am going ahead and telling you how much a LOVE it now because she has some pretty awesome pre-order goodies to go with it. To tell you how much I loved this book in E-book format, I went ahead and pre-ordered an autographed copy too. 

I was so encouraged reading this book. I felt like I was not alone in longing for more and trying to find contentment in my here and now. I learned that looking for adventure in the everyday doesn't have to be expensive or complicated. It only has to be intentional. I learned that 
Image credit: www.longingforparis.com 

And above all, I learned that Paris is wherever we want to be. I may not be able to hop on a plane and go to Europe tomorrow, but I can learn to make a french dish this month, I can take the kids on a nature walk and find God's beauty all around me, and I can lean a little more onto the God who made me who I am and embrace who he made me. 

For more information on the book and about all the pre-order goodies like autographed copies, journals, and a course from Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson go visit:





**I received a copy of this book as part of the "Longing for Paris" launch team. All opinions are my own and I love this book and the author!**

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

"Anchored" -{a review}

So way back in 2013 when I went to Allume for the first time, I had a necklace in my "swag bag" with Hebrews 6:19 on it. Since then this verse and an anchor keep popping up in unexpected places at times when I really need it. Flash forward to May when this book review opportunity comes through my inbox. I immediately said yes without much thought.


I looked Kayla Aimee up online and started to get to "know" her a little better so that I was prepared when her book came in the mail. I was enthralled with her story. Then I discovered that we actually have mutual real-life, non-blogger friends. I was so surprised! Then I remembered one of those friends asking for prayers for a preemie a few years ago and it all started to click.

In "Anchored: Finding Hope in the Unexpected", you will find a woman who's greatest dream is to be a mom. Only she never expected motherhood to happen like it did. When she gave birth at 24 weeks pregnant, Kayla Aimee found that the only thing that kept her from falling apart was that her faith was anchored so deeply into God that even through her doubts and fears she knew he was there and that she could count on him. Watching the journey her daughter went through was something no one ever thinks they will go through and she certainly had her lows in how she handled it. But she learned that being her daughter's biggest advocate and that gaining any and all knowledge that she could was how she could gain strength.

Kayla Aimee's story brings with it the reminder that hope can be found even in the bleakest situations. All that we have to do is remained anchored to the God who gives us that hope.

I really want to encourage you to read this book. It's not long and it is worth every second you have it in your hands. (And the cover is pretty.)

**I received this book in exchange for my review. All opinions are my own.**

Monday, June 29, 2015

"Laugh- out- Loud Pocket Doodles for Boys"


It's summertime and that means that I have had to find activities for the kids while they are at home or in the car with us running errands. This particular book has become a favorite with them. 

"Laugh -out- Loud Pocket Doodles for Boys" not only has them reading but also using their imaginations to complete the pictures on the inside. My boys all have found their favorite jokes and like to fight over who gets to finish each picture. We have spent several trips to Dothan laughing as they try to out do each other. 

Whether the child is a good drawer or not they can complete these pictures with no problems and since it is also a joke book, the funnier the doodle the better. 

We are heading to the beach in a couple of weeks and I am looking forward to taking this book along for the ride. It is small and fits well in the back pocket of a 9 year old boy with no problem. And long after they finish the drawings they will still have a joke book to enjoy. 

** I received this book in exchange for my review. All opinions are my own.**

Sunday, June 28, 2015

The Last Couple of Weeks

To say that the last couple of weeks have been rough would be an understatement. We changed wireless carriers only to find out that I have zero service where I work so I had to change back and lost the number that I have had for 10 years. (Well, I still have it but I am carrying 2 phones and it's getting annoying.) My grandmother had a stroke and moved into the nursing home that I work at. Now this weekend Josh's ear drum ruptured and it has been bleeding all weekend. So we are heading to the ENT in the morning even though I really don't have the time to take off of work. So I have been escaping into books the last few days and I am so far behind in housework and laundry it is scary.

So I will be posting 3 reviews this week. One for a kids book and two for upcoming releases that I am really excited about. So look for all of those this week.

Also, our family is possibly making a HUGE leap of faith here in the next few months and we could really use some prayers. I can't get into specifics yet but as soon as I can I will.

I will be going on a family vacation in a couple of weeks and will hopefully come home brimming with stories and refreshed.

SO that's it for today. I look forward to sharing all these exciting books with you this coming week!

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Have you met Mickey Matson yet?

A couple of years ago, the boys and I were in Walmart checking out when one of them saw a movie called "The Adventures of Mickey Matson: Copperhead Treasure". It looked like something they would enjoy so I agreed to buy it. Little did I know that it would become a favorite that we would watch over and over again. So when I saw that there was a new movie coming out and that it was available for review I jumped on it.



In "Pirate's Code", Mickey finally gets the chance to find out more about the secret society his grandfather was in. As he and his friend Sully learn more about the society, a new threat comes to light and they are the only ones who can save the society and their friends. 

My boys were so excited when this came in the mail. The quickly opened it and put it in the DVD player to watch. It did not disappoint and we have since watched it almost daily. They love it. 

My 10 year old gives it 2 thumbs up and says that "it is great! It has a lot of action and it kept me interested!"

My 8 year old says, "I loved it!"

This mama liked that it kept them entertained, had no bad language, and that it showed the kids having to think their way out of each situation. 

What I didn't like was that it kept with a common theme in kid's shows that adults act like idiots. I am a little over that whole theme these days. 

But overall, I give this movie 2 thumbs up and hope to see another one in the series!

So do you want to meet Mickey Matson too? I have a copy just for one of you!
Comment below or on my Facebook page and let me know what your idea of adventure is. On Sunday night, my boys will randomly draw a name out of a bowl to see who the winner is. 


Ready, Set, GO!

**I received a copy of this movie in exchange for a honest review as well as a copy to give to one of my readers from the wonderful people at FlyBy Promotions!**

Friday, June 5, 2015

"Desperate Measure" {a review}


Desperate to find out about the plant her father was killed over, Kate Adams gets in over her head. Tom Parker, a local detective, knows that Kate is hiding something but their past keeps her from sharing with him. As events unfold and her secrets get to be too much, can she tell him all?

I have this thing about starting a series. I like to start with the first book. That said, I did not realize that this was a book in a series when I saw it up for review and I am glad I didn't. I would have looked right past it and onto something else. This book can be read as a part of the series or as a stand alone. I started this book on the way up to Atlanta one Saturday and did not put it down until we got to where we were going. I didn't want to. As a matter of fact, my husband who used to hate talking while driving on trips was getting quite irrated with me because I was reading and not talking to him. The storyline was captivating and had enough twists that even though I suspected the correct person, I didn't expect all the accomplises.

This would be another great book to add to your summer reading list! Fill that beach bag full!

**I received this book in exchange for my review. All opinions are my own.**


Thursday, June 4, 2015

"Taken" {a review}


 
 One of my favorite authors is Dee Henderson and as luck would have it last month she released a new book. It was a great way to start off my summer reading.

In "Taken", Matthew Dane is approached by a woman who reveals that she is Shannon Bliss, a woman who disappeared at the age of 16. Now an adult, Shannon wants Matthew's help with re-uniting with her family and in bringing down those that kidnapped her as a teen.

I really enjoyed this book. I will be honest that I have been on a little slump with my reading. Nothing interested me for about a month. Then I picked up this book and I have been reading every chance I have since. Dee Henderson tells a story with enough twists to keep you guessing and enough authenticity to draw you in. I did not guess at any point who was behind the kidnapping or the turn of events that were in play throughout. And I definitely did not see the ending between this pair.

It is summer and that means road trips, days on the beach or lake, or just extra time to read since all those school events aren't happening. I would definitely put this book on the top of my vacation reading list and then recommend it to a few more friends.

**I received this book in exchange for my review. All opinions are my own.**

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

I am a little confused......

I was really going to avoid these topics but I am a little confused so I'm going to write about them anyway.

1. Josh Duggar- He was wrong. He was old enough to know better but he did it anyway. But here's the thing, we don't know all the details. We know what the media is telling us and that is probably only 25% of the story. I will say that I do have a problem with this country jumping up in arms over this when Lena Dunham said last year that she molested her little sister and everybody threw it out "because she was just a kid." Why in the world would we let her slide with her crime but tear him up over his? I realize that he is a CHRISTIAN MALE who is very vocal in his beliefs. (And by the way, shouldn't we be recognizing the fact that he has repented and been forgiven by the ones who deserve to give him forgiveness? Because I'm sorry but why should he apologize to me when I don't even know that guy. AND WHY IS NOBODY QUESTIONING HOW A SEALED JUVENILLE FILE WAS LEAKED TO THE MEDIA???????) Lena Dunham is an actress with very little in the way of morals or religion if her public persona is any indication. She should have been raked through the coals of public opinion too.

2. This whole BRUCE JENNER thing. Why in the world are we praising him? This whole family is after nothing but media attention and money. Otherwise he would not have waited to "come out as a woman" until the time where he could get the most publicity and money. And I am sorry but GOD DOES NOT MAKE MISTAKES! He created Bruce Jenner to be a MALE. Satan has run rampant and planted a seed that grew into a mess. There is nothing heroic or brave about what he has done. It is a sick thing that parents now have to explain to their children and that the media wants us to make okay. IT IS NOT OKAY! Jesus said to love the sinner but to hate the sin. Quit giving Satan such a huge platform to control future generations.

3. Since when is it okay to walk on the American flag? I am pretty sure it is illegal and yet the police are standing by letting it happen because they don't want to offend them. I know what America is the laughing stock of the world. We are bending over backwards to give in and not offend instead of standing up for our country and what our forefathers stood for. I think it is time for the American people to wake up and start speaking up.

4. Race cards are getting a little bit ridiculous. How in the world am I supposed to teach my children that race should not be a factor and that what matters is a person's character if all that the schools and media are doing is teaching them that it is the most important thing in the world? And why are the history books being changed to make white people into an enemy? I am sorry but my ancestors were treated worse than slaves and they are told to shut up and get back to the reservation today. GROW UP PEOPLE. Realize that using your race as an excuse is not going to get you anywhere. And there is no such thing as white priveledge (unless you are a millionaire and since what you have there is called rich priveledge and is the same for all races, I don't think that counts.) I, as a white person (with native american ancestory by the way) actually get less priveledges. I will be turned down for government assitance, loans, etc just because I checked white on a piece of paper. There is no such thing as an "Obamaphone" for me. I actually do know this because I tried to get one and the man told me that they were only for black people. Yeah, please point me in the direction of white privledge. The only thing that will get you anywhere in life worth going is hard work and not making excuses. I wish that we could still teach our children that.

I think that is it. I vented. I opened up several cans of worms. I probably lost one of my few readers or even all of them. But I wish that Christians would start standing up for the Bible and I wish that Americans would start standing up for our country. One person can only do so much.

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

The Thing About Death

The thing about death is that it is not always fair. It stalks and claims a baby still in the womb or grabs hold of a man who had come back from the bottom and whose family needs him. It skips right over the 90 year old woman who is ready to leave this earth to claim a 16 year old kid just getting started on their life. 

Death isn't always fair but death is part of this life. So while I don't understand how death can claim a friend who had so much to live for, I know that he is in a better place. And while there is nothing left to do but grieve here, I know that he is not suffering anymore. So while death isn't always fair to us here on this earth, death is going to come and offer us a life so much more than what we have now. 

So while we grieve a friend, a spouse, a father, a brother, and a son- rejoice in the life he now has with Jesus and that his suffering is done. Because while death isn't always fair- the reward is amazing. 

Saturday, May 23, 2015

End of the Year Craziness

I am having a hard time believing that this school year is over. The last couple of weeks have been full of honor's days, end of the year parties, and graduations.

It all started off with Middle School Honor's Day.
Pacey getting his Presidential Academic Achievement Award.

Getting his Beta Stool and Honor Grad Medal

My 8th grade Honor/Beta Graduate
Then came the last day of school. I made collages to compare the boys first and last days of school.



We have a had a very challenging year with learning disability diagnoses for Josh and regular growth for all of them. But it has been very rewarding and I am excited to see where they go next year. The end of the year activities are still going on because we have 8th grade graduation May 26 and because Pacey is joining an engineering competition team next year he will be officially starting high school May 28 for a summer school class. I am a little surprised with myself for signing him up for it but at least he will be busy this summer.

So I am now the mom of a 9th grader, a 5th grader, a 4th grader, and a Kindergartner.

Oh the places these kids will go!

Sunday, May 10, 2015

Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day! 

I keep seeing all these posts about relaxing or remembering the hurting mom. And I can't help but sit here and wonder why? 

Believe me, I get it. Some moms have husbands that are off on weekends and kids that will let them relax. Congratulations! Other moms are at work, or their husbands are at work stateside or overseas, and still others are single moms who today will be a normal day for. 

And some moms have babies in heaven and miss them everyday. I do. But making other moms feel guilty (as one Facebook friend seems to be set to do) is not the answer. Let them celebrate the fact they are moms without guilt tripping them because their children are here with them. 

Today is supposed to be a day to celebrate our moms. So take that time and tell them Happy Mother's Day and thank them for all they have done. And pray for those who are hurting and love them a little bit more today. But never feel guilty about being a mom, never. 

happy Mother's Day! 

Sunday, April 26, 2015

Let's Talk About....

That "Grey's Anatomy" episode.

You know the one that aired last Thursday and everyone is talking about.

I have not watched "Grey's" at all this season, so I really don't know what all is going on. I know that Meredith got a new sister and Dereck went to Washington and then came home. That's about it.

I did watch the last 15 minutes of this episode though. Because I could not actually believe that they were going to do what they did. (Spoilers ahead if you don't already know.)
photo credit: Buzzfeed.com
I am in shock that they actually killed off McDreamy! I cried for an hour after watching this turn of events. And then cried some more Friday when someone brought it up at work. The Meredith/ McDreamy relationship was really the center of this show. Yes, I know that it is fiction. But I have watched on and off since the beginning and I was invested in this crazy relationship. These two have survived a wife showing up, a bomb, a drowning, a plane crash, a mega storm, a shooting, and then to have it all end because of completely incompetence from another hospital is beyond me.  I feel like the writers don't care about the fans anymore. They only care about ending this show so they can concentrate on their other show "Scandal".

Meredith and McDreamy have been through everything and maybe she finally learned that she didn't have to depend on him for happiness but they deserved their happily ever after.

They have given us moments that make you believe in love and they have given us the best quotes about love.
photo credit: Pinterest

Photo Credit: Pinterest

I am not really sure if I am going to watch anymore. I have some seriously mixed feelings right now. But if I am home, I will probably watch next week just to see how they handle this loss. 

How do you feel about this turn of events?