Thursday, July 23, 2015

When Someone Says You Are A Bad Mom

I was told the other day that I was a bad mom. And not by someone who knows me well enough to say that- she doesn't even know my kids. She is in a Facebook Mom group I am in. I was asking for advice about my oldest child and some difficulties we are having with him. 
Apparently because he is acting out, I am frustrated, and because I have a full time job- I am a bad mom. 

I was shocked. 

This woman has no idea what it's like to walk in my shoes. She is a stay at home mom with a full time nanny. Complete opposite of what I do. We both have boys but hers are younger. She hasn't even reached the stage I am at with my son. 

I do not for one second give any credit to what her opinion was but it does bother me that someone would tell another mom that. 

I am far from perfect and I do have "bad mom" moments. But I love my children and want what's best for them. To an extent that what's best for me goes on the back burner. They come first. If I could stay home again I would. But right now that is not an option. And if working and being frustrated or having a kid who is going through a teenage rebellion makes me a bad mom; then I guess I am. In her eyes. 

Social media is a good and a bad thing. It has made judging other moms easier to do. But it's because we don't let the world in to see the hard stuff. We post perfect pictures and stories so no one sees the real struggles. I am guilty of it. We join support groups because on Facebook you don't have to see those people in real life and so you can be more open. And then the shaming and judging starts. Because she felt safe calling someone she didn't know, on the other side of the country a bad mom. 

I left the group. Because if that kind of behavior is okay. I don't want any part of it. I have things in my life that you can judge me on if you feel like it. I'm not going to apologize for any of it when it does not involve you. But by all means judge me. Just don't judge any mom who is doing all she can and who asks for help. Help her. Pray for her by all means but don't judge her. And certainly don't call her a bad mom. The next mom might takes those words to heart and believe them. 

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